The Monster's Defeat

A crazy nonsense poem written about 2o years ago - while at college.



Down in the valley where the grass is green,
There dwells a creature that no man has seen:
It has eight heads, a tongue and teeth,
Two legs, a hand, and seventeen feet;
Its eyes are red, its tongue is blue,
Its tail is green, and its stomach too.
It eats fresh flowers, and gobbles grass,
And steals men's trousers which it loves to amass!



One day in that valley Tarzan did chance
Sighting him, the delighted creature did advance:
"A man, a man!" it chanted happily
"That's more trousers for my collection easily!"
But on nearing, it was disappointed to find
No trousers on Tarzan to grab from behind.
Not having seen a human so crazily clad
The monster felt cheated of its game and went mad.


Then began the great battle
Of which men still tattle,
On the one side was the wild-man Tarzan,
On the other, the creature bent on arson.
Tarzan did slowly and carefully advance
While the monster went on a short war dance.
The monster leapt with a growl,
Tarzan cowered with a howl.

The howl so loud brought Jane on the scene,
Tarzan's girl, she was the forest's queen,
But the monster was not impressed
He had not seen a female so ill-dressed.
Mortified he flat on the grass,
And into the ether his soul did pass.